A friend told me of an ayahuasca experience, the resounding message that came through over and over again – You can’t fuck with honesty, its the truth – It can’t be distorted or misunderstood or changed – Its solid and about as real as it gets – So why do we often shy away from it?
Being honest means being open, raw, upfront even – connecting in a deep and very personal way with the other – This is often not expected of us – Just keep it inside and hopefully ‘that message’ will fade and go away over time, but what I have found it that is doesn’t – it keeps on rearing its ugly head, usually in those dark and lonely moments, where we wish the hurt was resolved – Maybe we fear that we will scare the other off, come across as grossly inappropriate, leave the other feeling like ‘What the hell? – But I have come to realise, at this time of transformation and healing, that honesty is our greatest ally though these times – I NEED to heal the hurts inside, even if they were caused many years ago, even if it was a flippant remark by a distant friend, even if on the surface it has absolutely no relevance to life as I know it today – Believe me, it does, especially if you are a sensitive soul like myself
People may say, ‘Why do you care? Just let it go’ but if you are like me, you’ll find that ‘advice’ only serves to make you feel even less uncomfortable – Why do you care? Because you just do, and thats that – Sensitivity can be so misunderstood, weakness weirdness, unnecessary, why are you doing that to yourself? You’re not, it is simply your nature, not self inflicted
Rejection, misunderstanding, hurtful judgments enter into my energy field and stay, until I work to resolve them – So, what have I just done? Messaged two people who have hurt me in the past – I’m pretty sure they will be surprised that I still carry this pain, but thats me, and I’ve come to the point at which I can no longer do that – Like broken jigsaw puzzle pieces, these hurt parts of myself don’t fit, they are making the ‘picture of me’ look a little off – I want to be complete clear and healed and my way of doing that is to get in contact and be honest – Just the act of doing this has offered me a great deal of release – I like these people who have hurt me, I really do, I don’t want to have this little ball of pain in my stomach when I think of them, no I want that out and the best way to do that is to let them know, release it out in this way, with loving communication and a lot of bravery and a bucket load of ‘I just don’t want that feeling any more!’ At least I have spoken my truth and at the end of the day, thats all I can do!
CC image ‘Honesty’ Courtesy of think public on Flickr https://www.flickr.com/photos/thinkpublic/